And then it all came to a screeching halt......

B and I.

Done

Finished

Over.

I've had one of the worst days of my life, let me share:

B calls me every morning at 7:30. This morning, he didn't call, so I called him about 7:40.

No answer.

I tried his home and cell phone repeatedly over the next hour or so.

I went to my first client appointment of the day.

He called me close to 9. He sounded 'out of it' and said he'd overslept, just woke up, he'd had ten calls. His supervisor had called, another tech he was supposed to work with out of town had called, this person had called that person had called.

We hang up.

He calls me back about ten minutes later. He sounds 'out of it' and said he'd overslept, just woke up, he'd had ten calls. His supervisor had called, another tech he was supposed to work with out of town had called, this person had called that person had called.

I said, yea, I know you told me that already.

He said, "I did?"

"Yea, when you called me a few minutes ago."

He didn't remember talking to me, but says he's awake now.

He said he needed to fax his timesheet for last week in to his supervisor and then meet the other tech out of town.

We hang up.

About 15 minutes later he called me back. He sounds 'out of it' and said he'd overslept, just woke up, he'd had ten calls. His supervisor had called, another tech he was supposed to work with out of town had called, this person had called that person had called.

He said apparently he had called a few people back several times, but he's awake now.

I stepped into a conference room and closed the door.

I tell him this is the third time he's called me. He denies it.

I ask him if he feels OK. He says, yea, just a little confused cause he wasn't awake before. I ask him if he was drinking last night. He tells me no. I tell him I'm worried about him, I'm wondering if he's had a stroke or something. I'm getting more animated, talking more loudly. He says well maybe he'll have a stroke and die and then I won't have to worry about him anymore.

I know, real mature.

We hang up.

He calls me two more times, we have very similar conversations.

By the end of the fifth call, I'm deeply concerned.

I begin gathering up my things to leave my client (even though I'm not finished there) and head to his house (which I'm 45 minutes away from) when my phone rings again.

It's not B this time, it's the tech B is supposed to meet out of town. He says that B gave him my number and asked him to call me and tell him that he'd overslept, but he was awake now and on his way to meet this tech.

I'm stunned.

This gentlemen goes on to say that he has known B for over 15 years and thinks the world of him, that B is just the best, and that he's concerned. He doesn't think B sounds like himself. He says that at some point he had heard that B has a drinking problem and he wondered if his behavior today was a result of that.

I tell the man that I'm on my way to check on B and that I'll call him back. I tell him that I'm concerned he's had a stroke or something, I can't imagine why he's acting like he is.

While driving to B's I call B to assure he doesn't get in his car and try to drive to work.

He is in his car driving to meet the tech out of town.

He hasn't gone very far and I convince him to turn around and drive home. He's resistant, but I beg him to just do it for me, telling him I'm worried about him and just need to see for myself he's OK.

When I get there, his car is in the driveway, running. His front door is unlocked and I go in.

He does not look right. And he smells like a distillery.

I'm relieved and pissed as hell all at the same time.

And even more deeply concerned.

Yesterday B spent all afternoon helping TJ fix his car, I roasted a turkey with all the trimmings and the three of us ate. He and TJ worked on his car some more. He left my house about 8:30. When I talked to him before I went to bed, he was on the other phone talking to his friend, K.

Sometime after he got home, he drank. He says he drank half a pint. I call bullshit on that. It seems to me he had to drink quite a bit of booze to be in the state I find him in this morning.

The quantity is neither here nor there. I point out to him that he called me FIVE times, not remembering he'd talked to me before. I point out to him that he might have called his supervisor five times too for all he knows.

He doesn't believe he called me five times.

I get out my cell phone and show him the history and make him count along with me.

FIVE.

He'd called the guy the tech he was supposed to meet out of town three times, telling him each time the same thing too.

I tell him that his drinking was clearly one of the reasons his wife divorced him.

"You lost your family because of drinking, I've told you that your drinking will prevent you from ever having the permanent relationship with me you want and now, it is affecting your livelihood. How much do you have to lose before you get it?"

He reacts like a child being scolded.

We go back and forth.

At times he seems perfectly with it, at other times he seems to veer off track.

I keep pulling him back on track.

I won't go into the whole TWO HOUR conversation. Let's just say that we discussed all his issues, and all my issues. We talk about how hard it is for him to be alone, he misses his girls, and that yes, maybe he medicates that pain with alcohol. He stops short of admitting he has a problem with alcohol.

There are lots of tears on both sides, but our discussion is calm, no one is yelling or being accusatory.

I finally tell him that we both need to get to work. He seems much less 'wobbly' and I'm not concerned about his driving.

As we're walking to my car I tell him that if his goal is to be married someday, and my goal is to someday be living with a permanent partner, neither of our goals are going to get met in this relationship because of his drinking.

He tells me that he is working, little by little, at getting his life on track. He recently gave almost all his furniture away to a TKD student who was moving away to college. (Prompting his TKD Master to call him, concerned. Giving away your shit is one of the well known signs of a potential suicide. B told Master that he doesn't need to be concerned until he starts giving away his cars. That B is a funny guy.) The furniture was rejects his ex didn't want when they divorced, much of it he didn't even like. He felt it was time to make his house his own.

A good positive step.

It is very hard for him to part with stuff, he has tons of clothes he never wears, but he can't get rid of them. Two weeks ago, he went through it all and gave two huge bags of clothes to Amvets.

Another good step.

And there are other small things like that that he's done, so I see where he's coming from saying he's taking steps.

I think he needs to start at the top with the drinking and the rest....will all fall into place. He thinks working his way up from small stuff to the biggies is the way to go.

I tell him that while he's working his way up the ladder, maybe he and I should just be friends, because I'm not willing to go through another morning like I had today because of his drinking.

He tells me he can't be my friend, if it's over, it's totally over.

And then he has that big AHA moment Oprah talks about.

He say to me, "You know, they say you can tell who someone really is by how they behave when they're alone."

I tell him I am exactly the same alone as I am when I'm with people.

The look on his face, well, it's like one of those lightbulb moments. Because the fact of the matter is, when he's alone, many times, he's drinking.

"Oh God" he says.

He turns away from me and begins crying.

I tell him that I'm leaving, that if it is too difficult for him to be my friend right now, I understand, but I'll always be right here if he needs me.

"And if you get a firm handle on that drinking, look me up."

I tell him I love him, very much, and that I'll miss him.

And I will.

We may be broken up, but in the process, I honestly think he finally gets, for the first time, that he has a real drinking problem.